If you haven't bore fruit from your loins yet- Listen to me very carefully. Immediately get completely naked. In a well lit room. In front of a full length mirror. Now just stare. Get a good look. A REAL gooooood look.
Continue looking daily, until you see the little plus sign. **not thinking of kids ANY time soon?-puuuurfect. Keep looking. Look in every mirror you pass. Have "grown up time" with the lights on. Take advantage of not having to wear a bra.
Learn to LOVE your body now.
Before children is when you're most likely in your physical prime . You haven't been completely stretched out yet. You're hair is still in place. Your panty drawer is full of silk. It's so funny, because before kids (when we are at our most selfish) we hate our bodies.
"I'm so fat", "My boobs aren't big enough", OR "My boobs are too big" (PS- the worlds tiniest violin is playing for you) We're consistently dieting, trying to lose weight- trying to look like the Victoria Secret model....don't you LOVE VS, btw? Anyway. Ready?
Game over. I hope you enjoyed your ass, your boobs, the taut skin on your tummy. Don't think it's taut? Don't like your butt? Not too happy with your boobs? You better get over that, and learn to LOVE them now- because once the lil fetus starts to suck nourishment, energy and life from your very core, it (literally) all goes down hill.
Yes, I too have heard the urban myths. Bologna. "My friend "Brandy's" boobs STAYED big after her baby! She has DD's now!" If she actually DOES have DD's... when she isn't wearing a bra, she can tie 'em in a knot, she can tie 'em in a bow. It's JUST the way nature works. (Think soggy perogy. Same effect with little ones, FYI) Don't be mad at ME! I'm trying to warn you. I'm your friend!
What happens to a woman's body after bearing a child, is a sick, sick joke. I mean- it's amazing, and a miracle, and all that- but I'm just throwin' this out there, because I was in total denial. Actually, denial up until preggo with my 2nd lil nugget. I didn't fare as well with my little "Dorothy".
The TRUTH is- it doesn't f****n matter what your ass look like after having children, cause remember- YOU don't matter anymore! :) It's all about the kids. So ungrateful...always wanting to be FED, CLOTHED....the list goes on, and on, and on. Blah, blah, blah.
Here's the GOOD news:
- Once you have a bebe, you will be so busy, that you won't have much time for eating! Whoo hoo!
- If you have enough self control to eat veggies and fruit- when you do get .7 seconds without children (and/or their accessories in your hands), you're golden!
- I am a crazy bi-otch, and what I am writing about doesn't matter, because you'll have a gurgly, cooing , cute lil baby to cuddle.
- Some women LOVE being pregnant. I think they are liars, but hey-that's just me. I HATE it. The ONLY thing I can think about what I like about it, is when baby moves around, and your stomach looks like there is an alien in there. Or a baby.
- Some women actually do lose more weight after having baby than before they were pregnant. For some, swapping the weight for saggy areas and stretch marks is a fair, and welcome trade.
This "style" blog is quickly going down hill....hmmm....style....style......uh, if you missed the memo-shoulder pads are back. (easiest to wear when it's a fitted style.)
( Maybe next time I'll focus on what we can cover up our mummy tummy's with....)
PS- When you do get knocked up- grab a copy of "The girlfriends guide to Pregnancy".