*** He said he was going to take pictures of our house, and post them on facebook-so everyone can see how unfortunate his life is. (OK-my words, not his) And I said, why don't I blog about this conversation, and he said DO IT. So maybe I will post pictures of how messy our house is, and you can all send him "Get better" cards.***
There is nothing nice about having a disorganized house. There just isn't. Messy is one thing, "dirty" is another...and then there is disorganized. First of all...I am the most UN-organized person you've ever met. My husband literally took a picture of me sitting on the floor of my office working on my lap top, surrounded by crap.(Not "real" crap. Ew. Why would you even think that?) My desk was piled so high with papers and junk, that I couldn't sit there. And as he snapped the picture, he said "Maybe I should put this on facebook to show everyone how you work." I said...."I'll tell them myself, thank you very much.", while shooting lasers with my eyes....
|PS...this is not our house...so what is he so damn upset about?!|
Do I think it's fair to my husband that he comes home to a disaster of a house? No- of course not...but this is my fault. Not for not cleaning 24/7. Not for letting the laundry get behind, and stay behind. It's my fault he's pissed off about the state of the house, because at the BEGINNING, I cleaned a lot. I NEVER asked for help. I took care of our daughter (only one at the time, which is maybe WHY we're at where we are at...), I cooked, I vacuumed (almost every day), floors were washed weekly, dusted, all that jazz-and I looked half ok doing it. Ava was always dressed in adorable outfits. (maybe I was the bitch at the mall?) So, it's MY fault that he hates coming home to this mess, because I didn't bitch him out from the beginning. THIS is what I SHOULD have said 3 years ago:
"What the hell?! Look around! We live in a bloody pigsty! Are you HAPPY living like this?! Because I am NOT. You need to start pulling your weight around here. How the hell do you think I could do everything by myself? Grab a mop sunshine, the floors aren't going to wash themselves!"
Now...back to reality. I don't LIKE cleaning. I like working on my Stella & Dot business, and I like hanging out with my kids. (He would add here: "And she LIKES being on facebook all day.") So, when he gets mad about the house, I have said recently that I need help. I CAN'T do it by myself. I don't think it's fair that I make supper, and then have to clean it up, and get the kids to bed, after being with them all day. I don't think it's fair that I am expected to do it all. And he said "I make the money." I KNOW that there are many women out there, who's blood just BOILED. Are you thinking "What an assh*le", or are you thinking, "Yes bitch, he works all day, get sweeping."? He does work his ass off. Mostly in hot, 3rd world countries. He is away from his family for a good part of the year. He wants to come home to his "castle" (that, yes, I KNOW- HE pays for.) He doesn't want to come home, to trip over toys, move unfolded laundry from the couch, so he can lay there and watch hockey. I get it. But I'm not about to admit defeat like my mother did. My father- also an incredibly hard worker. He has build his business from the ground up to support his family, just like my husband is doing...but he didn't help my mom at all.
I told my husband, many, many times (before we were even dating-we were just friends at this point) that I would never marry a guy like my dad. I love my father, but I'd be damned before I got myself into that situation. And now...he says things like "I pay the mortgage."
So- who's right here? Maybe we both are a little right, and a little wrong. I do need to point out, that in the past month or so, he has been A LOT more helpful. A very dear friend of ours, explained to him, that I am his "equal"(yes. I know. Someone had to explain it to him...I know.)...and since then, he has helped clean up after dinner, helps at bath time, has even taken the kids for FULL DAYS when I have trunk shows. So, don't hate him yet...he is making huge strides, in the home front. But I often wonder...how many women STILL, in 2011- are trying to do it all by themselves?
No WONDER we're in bandannas and granny panties.