I think that was quite possibly one of the funniest skits in SNL history. I've talked about it before, the "mom jeans" skit. I laugh every single time. Because so many moms STILL wear mom jeans. And mom vests. OMG- Mom vests. THAT is truly funny.
The time line of "woman" to "mom":
- Pre-pregnancy: Thong, or G-String undies...tight jeans, sexy low top, heels, long hair-typically flowing in the breeze......
- You are now 2 months preggo: Bikini cut undies....feeling a little bloated=yoga pants more and more often...you hair is still long, not so "flowy"...the morning sickness, tends to take the time you had to curl your hair- and puke all over it.
- 6 months preggo...nothing fits, except for your "laundry day" panties, which are scary to the naked eye, you used to cringe if your "significant other" (NO- I will not say husband...it's 2011.) ever caught a glimpse of them. You now have no choice but to wear elastic waist everything. This precious lil meatball in your womb has completely taken over. It is NOT your body anymore. You look in the mirror...you cry. "Who's thighs are those? When did the cellulite get so bad?......my skin is bad...but...my hair is thick as ever! ...and my boobs look awesome...!!!"
- 9 months pregnant. If you are like me-you are hating your life right now. You pee every 4 minutes...whether you make it to a restroom or not. Your belly button is poking THROUGH your shirt- W.T.F. You are so flipping exhausted, that the thought of doing anything more than a pony tail with your long, thick flowing hair, requires a nap.
(Notice how much just the pregnancy part takes away? Now...the little bundle has arrived.)
- CONGRATULATIONS! You are now the proud mommy of a beautiful, poopy, crying, hungry-all-the-time-attached-to-your-breast-24-hours-a-day BUNDLE OF JOY, LOVE AND HAPPINESS! This will be the happiest, most unflattering, low point of style in your life! I say this because....it's true. YOU don't matter anymore! YAY! It's all about baby. Which is FABULOUS! Right? We knew it wouldn't be glamorous to bear a child, didn't we?
Between diapers, figuring out how to breastfeed properly, laundry, the tornado that seems to go through your house every day, possible siblings of said baby (which includes, but is not limited to: feeding these siblings...apparently it is frowned upon to not feed your kids, school, sports, homework, bathing them-also frowned upon if left undone....), grocery shopping, shall I go on....?- when did you have time to wash YOUR hair? You didn't. I think this is wear bandannas come into play. (AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!) Stop. Put the bandanna down, and walk away.......
Once a week, when you find the time to wash your hair...you end up in complete disbelief and devastation. Why? Because what used to be long, flowing locks, are now-coming out in clumps. Sexy. So what happens now? You chop your hair off. At the time, you think "It will be so much easier to maintain! Less hair=less time managing it." Right? Wrong. With most short cuts-you need to STYLE it. Not really great for "wash & go". You need to blow dry, and possibly use some type of heated device; ie: straightener, curling iron, ect.....otherwise, your "cute, easy bob" cut will look like my hair did in Grade 3. I don't want to talk about it. The photos will haunt me forever.
You are now in full mom mode. Your daily attire consists of sweatpants, a t-shirt with spit up and stains, and a bandanna. This is usually inevitable. It is the sacrifice that most moms make to bring life into the world. News flash- even if you didn't go the "pregnancy route" to start your family-you are most likely in the same boat as those who did. If your hair isn't falling out because of hormones, it is being pulled out with frustration and lack of sleep.
Becoming a mom is the best thing that ever happened to me. I love my children, more than anything in the entire world. I am happy to trade in the toned butt for cellulite-because now I have "Stella" and "Dorothy". They are worth it, obviously. Don't start sending me hate mail.
The point is this. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. We all (well, most of us-I have seen those bitches at the mall: pre-pregnancy jeans, glossy pink lipstick, perfectly maintained hair-with their 2 day old baby-dressed in an adorable outfit from "The Gap"...) have had to go through it. It's horrible, and disgusting-in a beautiful way. How ironic. And the thing is- you may feel like a huge slob-but everyone around you (ok, not EVERYONE, but- other parents who know what you are going through, because they have been there before) thinks you are super woman. Because you are. You are living on quite literally, NO SLEEP. Little to no food- (when you are able to scarf something down while standing over the kitchen sink-possibly warming a bottle, or soaking a onesie that was just exploded on -it's cold), and you are sustaining a human LIFE. You are allowed to wear a sweat suit, and I suppose you can wear a bandanna...((shutter)).
That lil ray of smelly sunshine will only be little ONCE. You don't get a do-over. So skip the shower once in awhile to cuddle in bed longer. You deserve it. But once that kid is in pull ups, I want to see lip gloss.
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